2002-10-20
11:38 a.m.
it's been such a long time
Fuck. that was one long entry I just lost. I had a beautiful market morning yesterday, squeezing vegetables and admiring woodwork with the freckledfiend and her mother. I had a beautiful walk yesterday afternoon, through the park with a new friend, conversation interrupted by exclamations over the stunning colours (sun-yellow, candy-apple-red, luminescent orange). I had a beautiful night last night, knocked sideways by a band we accidentally saw. They played only worthwhile Jeff Buckley cover I've ever heard, so I left before the next band could break my heartbroken spell. Walked home alone thinking just fucking try it, hiking up my skirt so I could stride up hills. I took the dangerous dark shortcut across a parking-lot-lake, and I didn't even have my keys between my knuckles. Yes, thinking I just want to be walking home to you. I mostly banish those thoughts now, because I'd rather be happy about your voice on the line than desolate about your body half a country away. Still, the wind is wetter, the rain is stronger, the trees are darker, the streets are copper when I'm walking home to nothing but the prospect of a phone message. It's sentimental and stupid, kind of like our whole lovely story. It's just that I was soaked to the bone marrow, and my neighbourhood was glistening, and everything looked like jewelry. I wanted your help peeling off all the soaking cloth; I wanted you to warm my fingers while I told you how beautiful that copper road was, and how my heart is broken by music more than it ever has been. i was just a child
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