september 18
six fourteen pee emm
make me feel like i belong to you
september kills me every time around. these leaves are still green, just barely changing, the sun is still warm, and my arms are still bare; but autumn lies in shadows, in sudden chills when buildings block the light, and nights start demanding sweaters and thick socks. nights need company, nights need warm skin to keep skin warm. nights start and stop, the loud music overhead and the phone ringing, the tingling dreams and the sad distance when i wake up. but. life is not a writing exercise. right? i shouldn't be constantly striving for metaphors for this year, even though almost everything seems like a metaphor for this year. every few months i reevaluate, and realize how far i've come, and here's the quandary, the possible outcomes i shake and shake around in my head: 1. I have come so far, I'll keep going so far, look at the distance I can move and how much I can learn. 2. I have come so far, I don't remember where anything used to be, I don't remember how I used to be, and at some point I started running from point A and forgot all about arriving at point B. i worry about loss of memory and perspective, and about giving up on ideas/people/places simply because i've done them already. i didn't realize how restless i was, i really didn't. and now, here we are. * i made a new friend today, i think, over vegan chocolate cheesecake and under bright sunlight. feminist theory tastes better after ginger tofu. * oh, the more confusing things are, the more delighted i am. i love surprises. make me feel even if it ain't true
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