2003-01-10
10:07 a.m.
he said well the solstice passed and the days are getting longer and I said yes
I remind myself that, even though all evidence points to the contrary, I'm not a leper. I'm no fucking leper. I'm mostly concentrating on not fainting right now, cause I've been home since Tuesday and still haven't made it to the grocery store. Vegan means no cafeteria food. It means I've been eating bananas from the corner store for days. Nothing feels real but the one thing I need to detach from. It's burrowing deeper, becoming less a funny story and more an awful blow. I can be melodramatic if I want. And I know that you're here all the time, watching snow cover my footprints. That makes it worse, knowing that I suffocated truth for something even less solid than a whim. Repeat after me: I will not be ruled by my fingers. I will not be ruled by my lips. I will not be ruled. I will not. I meant put your hands on me till I forget your name but he didn't guess
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