2002-10-15
11:22 p.m.
going
cars slow down, one by one
brake lights on, two by two
every stoplight in this country
keeping me away from you remember that one? * bye, toronto and shirkdom. I probably should've stayed in halifax, but the baby hugged me for 20 minutes straight when I arrived today, and that makes every piece of returning-anxiety worthwhile. * what a funny, delicate undoing this weekend was. frailties! and such longing. I almost gave in, do you know, to patterns I thought I'd long since forgotten. to lean into a chest and feel a heartbeat faintly through sweaters, to turn eyes toward a misty half-moon and convince myself of devastation, to be as dramatic as I could justify. you know, I could justify a fucking lot of drama, but learned two years ago that memorizing those lines was NOT worth the time. yes, though, an undoing. undoing of friendships, of mysteries that have been sitting very closeby but staying silent for months, of every last ounce of respect for people who were so fucking respectable. also, an undoing of hurt, of accidental pangs, of clasps. an undoing of my lips. of my fists. of clasps. an undoing.
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