2002-11-12
8:55 p.m.
i wanted to be
this is our third autumn, so far. one happened after the summer, one happened after a warm spell, and this one is happening after a small patch of winter. it's a neat trick that the air is pulling, drawing the autumn through my sentimental bones again and again. (and sentiment, he taught me, is a falsification of emotion. remember, sadness is a thievery of grief. remember. nostalgia counterfeits memory. remember.) * I've been having all kinds of adventures in domestic bliss, the freckledfiend's the best boyfriend (har har har) I've ever had. we have the same friends (well, some), interests (mostly), and love for the kicking of box. we cook for each other, and give each other surprisey treats like vegan pumpkin tarts! clementines! and we drop by with hugs, heartfelt conversation and listening. I'm not good at being away from my family, so thank god for the sisterly fighting and stupid inside jokes, the comfort of friendship three doors down. * oh, and you stormy ocean, you must think I've forgotten you. I've been deliberately avoiding your direct stare, because your openness and vastness are too close to my dreams. I need some time by a lake, I think, a smallish lake where the other side is clear - draw some lines around me, just for a while? contain me and I will be forever grateful. i wanted to be your good friend
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